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Archive for July, 2014

Seriously, think about that for a moment. Actually, I would encourage you to write it down, so that you can really face what it would take to make you happy.

How do you think I would answer that question? Would it be for my cancer to go away? There are at least two problems with that. First of all, it’s not likely to happen. Also, the absence of something (even cancer) does not ensure happiness. So, does this doom me to live whatever time I have remaining without being happy? I don’t believe so. Let me tell you why.

I read a lot during the day, especially when I am weak from chemo and other medications. But it’s at night that I especially enjoy reading. We have an adjustable bed which is very helpful at minimizing both cough and shortness of breath, because it keeps pressure off my lungs.

A couple of weeks ago, I made two relatively small purchases that have already made a significant impact on my life. I spent $69 for a Kindle, and I purchased a floor lamp at Walmart for $35. It uses a fluorescent bulb, and can be directed so that I can read while in bed. So, you’re probably shaking your head in disbelief at the idea that a Kindle and a lamp have made me happy. But you have to understand me. I have always loved to read, and now both the limitations as well as the freedom that have come with my treatment have made that much easier to do. Every night, I go back at 8:30. I raise the head of the bed and read until 10:00 when I normally go to sleep. That time gives me immense pleasure, and I look forward to it. It also helps to relax me, so that when I do go to bed, I tend to be content and in a good mood.

So, what’s the point of my rambling? Just two things. You’re not likely to eliminate all of the stress, hurt, or disappointment from your life any more than I am likely to eliminate cancer from mine. And so you should not waste your time (waste your life actually) waiting for that to happen before you decide to be happy.

It may not be reading for you, but you need to recognize that happiness is not something someone gives you. It doesn’t come from a better marriage, a larger paycheck, a job promotion, or anything external. Happiness is a quality you decide to have. Now you may need a little help. For me it was a Kindle and a lamp. It will probably be something entirely different for you, but I suspect that it will not be whatever you wrote down at the beginning of this exercise.

The reality is that even with all of the trials that go with my treatment, as well as the doubtful outcome, for at least 2-3 hours a day, I can say that I am truly happy. Actually, it’s more than that, because I only mentioned one small thing that gives me pleasure. We didn’t even talk about friends, family, or being able to get out in this beautiful world, even if it’s only for a couple of hours each day. Believe me, I have no illusions that this is permanent. I am all too aware that difficult, probably painful times lie ahead. But for now, cancer and all, I am a happy person, primarily because I choose to be.

Go back to whatever you wrote down that you said would make you happy. I suggest you cross it out and replace it with your equivalent of my Kindle and lamp. Decide what can give you enough pleasure that you will have periods of real happiness in your life. It really is your decision.

 

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Something happened this week that caused me to wonder if some people think I am at death’s door. Yes, my lung cancer has been diagnosed as terminal, which means that, sooner or later, this is a battle I am not likely to win. But that does not mean I am sitting at home waiting to die.  So, if you will indulge me, I wanted to take a moment to provide an update and make some suggestions.

First of all, I am responding to the various combinations of treatment as well as could reasonably be expected. Yes, the various aspects of the treatment sometimes conflict with one another, but that goes with virtually any serious illness. Even the side effects of chemo are not as severe as they were at first. Of course the chemo limits and affects me in a variety of ways, but I believe I am coping reasonably well (Jeannie might give a different opinion, but then she has to live with me every day).

I say this, because I would love to hear from some of you. While I have my “ups and downs,” normally you should find me upbeat. Please don’t worry about, “what should I say?” Say whatever you like. I can handle it, and I will do my best to put you at ease. Your cards mean so much to me, and I would love to talk with you. It would be a pleasant distraction.

A few of you might even think about a short visit. That’s not out of the question, although obviously the logistics would have to be worked out, and a visit would need to coordinate with treatment and aftereffects. And you should not expect us to show you the sights, because I cannot get out for a long period of time. But we do have an extra bedroom for you.

So, please understand that I am not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. As a matter of fact, over the past couple of months Jeannie and I have been amazed at the way God has worked in our lives. In all sincerity, I have trouble thinking of anyone I know who has been blessed more than I. May you sense that same degree of blessing in your own life, and may God give you the peace to accept it and allow it to flow into the everyday events of even this day.

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